A Beginner's Guide to Anal Sex

by Hakima Tantrika

If you're new to anal sex, then this guide is for you! There are so many reasons why someone would want to experiment with anal sex. For penis-owners, perhaps it’s feeling the tighter sensation or a way to explore your sexuality. If you're a vagina-owner, maybe it is trying something unconventional or new - a way to add some variety to your sexual experiences. No matter the reason, anal sex and anal orgasms can be extremely enjoyable.

The anus and rectum are sensitive areas. With the right touch, it can feel fantastic to arouse those areas.

With anal play, you can also indirectly stimulate a vagina-owner’s G-spot. In penis-owners, it stimulates the prostate.

So let’s get started on your step-by-step guide to anal sex:

1. Build excitement and trust

Anal sex is only enjoyable if all parties are excited about the idea. Some people would never want to try anal sex, and others would jump at the opportunity. What makes the difference? Creating excitement. 

If you’re not excited to have something inserted in your own anus then how can you convince your partner? First things first - have a conversation with your partner with open communication.

2. Timing

It’s important for both you and your partner to be clean when going down there. Choose the right time to have anal sex. It is important for your partner to feel confident to surrender to the experience. No one wants a reminder of a bad wipe job in the bathroom. 

Suggest taking a shower or a bath together and engage in a little bit of sexy foreplay. If the moment doesn’t allow, or there’s no time for a shower, then use a baby wipe or moist cloth. Either way, you don't want you or your partner to feel dirty.

3. Relaxation

Like regular sex, it is always better if you are warmed up and in the mood. Without being relaxed, anal sex will be painful, and you don't want that. Only once your partner is fully relaxed will you be able to insert your penis or strap-on. So how can you make your partner relaxed? Foreplay! You could also release tension by giving them a massage. 

Slowly massage the back and neck muscles and begin to move close to the buttocks. Use your tongue to gently explore their genitals. This is a great way to build intimacy between the two of you. It will also help lubricate the area.

4. Lube! Lube! Lube!

Now, spit alone is not enough for anal sex because the region is not self-lubricating. You need lube. Lots and lots and then even a bit more.   

When using lube, there are a few things to consider. Water-based lubricants work best with condoms and silicone sex toys. And they’re easier to clean off your sheets! 

If you're using a sex toy, silicone lubes may feel all silky and last longer but they will degrade the surface of the toy. 

Lastly and very importantly, oil-based lubricants are not compatible with latex condoms. The oil will break down the latex and we don’t want that. So be mindful of your options and the rules when choosing a lube. We recommend this one.

5. Speed and Size

When having anal sex for the first time, slow (and smaller) is the way to go. Your anus is always in a sense of contraction. It takes time and practice to be able to relax the sphincter muscle. This can take some time to do.

Start by inserting something small, like a finger. Massaging around and inside the anus is an extremely pleasurable sensation. It will help your partner loosen up a bit and get used to having something inserted there. One finger is usually enough, but your partner will be able to tell you what feels good. 

Over the next few weeks, introduce small butt plugs and increase the size until they are ready to be comfortable receiving a penis or strap-on.  

6. Positions

There are a ton of positions to try for anal sex. Just make sure the receiver is in a position that they are relaxed in. If your partner is tense, their butt muscles will also be. Choose a position that encourages the relaxation of the muscles such as spooning or the missionary position.

Gently insert the tip of your penis or strap-on into their anus. Go slowly, inch by inch. Make sure you have enough lubrication. Your partner needs time to get used to the sensation and get rid of the idea that they might defecate.  

Be aware of your partner's reactions. You want to build momentum gradually. Stimulate other parts of their body to help encourage relaxation. And don’t forget setting the mood is just as important. Before too long, you will both be enjoying anal sex.

7. Exiting

There's a final step that you don't want to miss. Most people imagine anal sex as the penetrative act. But pulling out is another thing you have to think about very carefully. You can cum inside their anus or not - whatever you do, pull out slowly. 

It may sound strange, but the sensation your partner will feel is the same as when they poop. If you pull out fast, it could hurt, and your partner might release some unpleasant surprises. Withdraw slowly, for a sense of pleasure and release. 

So, are you ready to try anal sex with your partner? If you’re already a pro, check out our list of the hottest places to have sex to take your anal experiences to the next level.