A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM
BDSM, or kink, is a vast universe that goes beyond nonnormative sex. BDSM represents a subculture that focuses on safety, and consensual adult kinky practices, both sexual and nonsexual.
BDSM is an overlapping acronym of umbrella terms. BD stands for Bondage and Discipline, DS stands for Domination and Submission, and SM stands for Sadomasochism. We made this BDSM guide just for you!
Terms to Know
Some important terms stand alone, while others are complimentary.
Bondage and Discipline: Bondage, for example, refers to the consensual practice of restraining a partner. The discipline aspect is sometimes nonsexual and can include other kinks like humiliation, tickling, or Impact Play, a type of sensation play that includes spanking. These kinks can be practiced in public dungeons or a private home and can include sexual play as well.
Dominant and submissive (D/s): are a subset of BDSM that revolves around consensual power exchange. For gender neutral terms, D-type and s-type are preferred. D/s falls on a spectrum and involves the s-type consensually giving power to the D-type in order to control aspects of their life. Additionally, a person who can accommodate either role is called a S/switch. If you are interested in learning more, you can take this BDSM quiz.
Sadist and masochist: Sadists enjoy inflicting emotional or physical pain on their partner. A masochist is on the receiving end. It is imperative for impact and all kinks to research for safety before practicing. If you hit the wrong spot, you can really do some permanent damage. Even Indiana Jones had to practice with that whip.
Kink and Fetish: a kink is more of a preference like, impact or bondage. A fetish typically means that an object or activity must be present for sexual gratification.
Voyeurism and Exhibitionism: A voyeur receives pleasure from consensually watching others. Similarly, an exhibitionist receives pleasure from consensually showing their body. Flashing bystanders is not BDSM.
Consent, Limits, and Safe Words
Consent is the key word in kink, as it is the backbone of the lifestyle. Everything in BDSM is negotiable except consent because it is the main difference between kink and abuse. Consent is given freely and taken away at any time. It can be revoked by using a safe word. If you have ever said “let’s have a cue if we want to leave the party,” then you understand safe words. Safe words are often used when limits are reached. Limits are anything that you won’t do, or if playing goes too far and you want to stop for any reason. It is important to understand your limits so that you can communicate them to your partner.
Light BDSM to Try
If this has piqued your interest, you can lightly dip your toes into BDSM with small steps. You can try blindfolding your partner, role-playing as others, light spanking, hair pulling, or learn some basic rope play to ease in.
Safety
Safety is equally important as consent in BDSM. It is highly recommended to do some research on topics like etiquette as well as protocols if you are stepping into a new space. Some more extreme kinks can be dangerous so it is best to do your research and make sure you are properly informed of the risks and can provide informed and enthusiastic consent.
For further exploration on the kink universe, you can also sign up for FetLife, a BDSM social networking platform.
